I am trying a few new strategies to cope with this theme and maybe even capitalize on it.
1. I make lists of the fun things we are going to do on the weekends: swimming, go to the zoo, build a fort, bake cookies, etc.
2. I'm setting developmental activities as goals with my 4 year-old: sound out 10 words a day, practice writing 5 letters, etc.
3. I look for multi-tasking opportunities that allow me to accomplish something while also entertaining my kids. So far I've found that I can (a) swim laps in the pool while pushing the baby in her float, (b) walk laps in the park while my 4 year-old rides his bike, and (c) fold laundry while playing peek-a-boo with the baby.
I'm not saving the world, but I get to feel some sense of accomplishment without sacrificing the precious time I have with my kids. These aren't fool-proof...As we know kids have minds of their own and they don't always WANT to practice writing their letters, or bake cookies. And if it's on my list I can't just eliminate it, I have to actually DO it to feel satisfied. So, I'm working on being more flexible.
"Achiever describes a constant need for achievement. You feel as if every day starts at zero. By the end of the day you must achieve something tangible in order to feel good about yourself." - pg 83 of Now, Discover Your Strengths (Buckingham & Clifton)
Does this sound like you...?
Does this sound like you...?
This is why I can't stay home full-time.
"After each of my two children was born I couldn't wait to get back to work. Eight weeks of maternity leave and I was DONE, it was time to return to the "real world". I couldn't put my finger on why I felt that way, I just know knew I wouldn't feel normal again until I returned to work.I was right.
"Life fell right back into place once I got back to my job. If anything, I was invigorated by the satisfaction of juggling motherhood with a demanding high-profile career. I couldn't understand how ANYONE could stand to stay home all week with their kids. It felt so repetitive and unsatisfying.
"Then it occurred to me one day...my Achiever theme explained it perfectly. When I was at home with the baby I couldn't accomplish ANYTHING! Nothing ever got DONE. I'd be sitting rocking the baby, looking into his beautiful blue eyes and after five minutes I was thinking about the list of things that I just HAD to get done (laundry, dishes, shopping, thank you cards, etc.). I even started creating things to do and then I was frustrated by not getting them DONE!
"It was the little voice of the Achiever in me that kept getting louder and louder. I need to be able to look at something tangible at the end of the day and say "I did THIS today!" Feeding the baby who would be hungry again in three hours just wouldn't put out the fire burning in me to accomplish things. Getting my child back in bed in one piece at the end of each day wasn't something I could put on a list and check off because it would constantly re-appear, never giving me that satisfaction of being DONE!
"Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and especially now that they are getting older I cherish every interaction with them, because I see how fast they are growing up. But I'm also realistic; keeping them alive and helping them grow and develop, isn't single-handedly going to fulfill my #5 theme, Achiever."
"Life fell right back into place once I got back to my job. If anything, I was invigorated by the satisfaction of juggling motherhood with a demanding high-profile career. I couldn't understand how ANYONE could stand to stay home all week with their kids. It felt so repetitive and unsatisfying.
"Then it occurred to me one day...my Achiever theme explained it perfectly. When I was at home with the baby I couldn't accomplish ANYTHING! Nothing ever got DONE. I'd be sitting rocking the baby, looking into his beautiful blue eyes and after five minutes I was thinking about the list of things that I just HAD to get done (laundry, dishes, shopping, thank you cards, etc.). I even started creating things to do and then I was frustrated by not getting them DONE!
"It was the little voice of the Achiever in me that kept getting louder and louder. I need to be able to look at something tangible at the end of the day and say "I did THIS today!" Feeding the baby who would be hungry again in three hours just wouldn't put out the fire burning in me to accomplish things. Getting my child back in bed in one piece at the end of each day wasn't something I could put on a list and check off because it would constantly re-appear, never giving me that satisfaction of being DONE!
"Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and especially now that they are getting older I cherish every interaction with them, because I see how fast they are growing up. But I'm also realistic; keeping them alive and helping them grow and develop, isn't single-handedly going to fulfill my #5 theme, Achiever."
Sunday, June 21, 2009
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Gosh, you sound like me!!! It can be so frustrating when this is one of your themes...it happens to be my number one! At times I feel like I have missed out on so much of my sons life because I could never relax and enjoy the moment. Even as a baby, I would rock him and think of all the "tasks" that I could or should be doing and not enjoy the bonding moment I could've had with my son. I will say that as my son has gotten older my achiever (overachiever) theme has become easier to balance. For example at my son's games, I don't sit there hoping the game gets over soon so I can get home and work, in fact I thoroughy enjoy just hanging out at the ball park, no matter what chores or work needs to be done at home. Although I do have to say that when we play catch in the yard or go outside and play, I still catch myself being anxious to get back in side to "work". In those moments I just have to talk myself off the ledge and tell myself to relax and enjoy the moment...soon enough he won't want to play outside with me and trust me I really dread those days! That thought alone helps keep me in the moment!! I wish there was an easy antedote to my drive...I have begun forcing myself to take scheduled "time outs". It is almost as if having it on my schedule or task list, suddenly makes it OK to go sit in the sun, or play ball with my son, or go for a walk or even work out. I love my lists and checking things off, so putting time with my son on the calendar or on my list helps me relax and enjoy that time, because it is on my list to do. I know that almost sounds cold and heartless that I have to put time with my son on my to do list...it's not that I don't spend a lot of time with my son, because I do spend a tremendous amount of time with my son (a luxury of working from home and being a single Mom), but if it is on the calendar or on my task list, then I don't feel any anxiety over doing that vs. getting some other chore on the list done. On the positive side, because of my achiever theme I do believe my son has seen a great example of how hard work will help him achieve any goal he sets for himself...he has a great work ethic and attitude and he has a huge heart and works so hard at everything he does! The caution for me is to make sure that I don't push him to hard or set unrealistic expectations for him to achieve, just because I am on "achiever". So far so good:)
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